During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
