i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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