I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
