We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
