I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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