I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
