i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
