im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
