my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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