Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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