I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
