He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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