we have pet lesbian snakes
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize