just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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