Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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