Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
