you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
