(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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