i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
