My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
