I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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