I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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