I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
