i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
