a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
