is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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