I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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