I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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