foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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