im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
