So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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