i just wanna soil my oats bro
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
