You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
