my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
