i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
