Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
