He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm getting married
To pizza
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
