Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
