He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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