i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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