The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize