I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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