my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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