Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
