I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
