By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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