You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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