I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
