Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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