oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
