Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
