I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
