It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
