eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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