so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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