i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There's always time for handjobs
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
