I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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