So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
