I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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