Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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